Reblog: Habits of Happy Couples

By Pierra Calasanz-Labrador for Yahoo! Southeast Asia


Have you ever secretly watched a happy couple and wondered, what are they doing right? We're not talking about those picture-perfect pairs faking marital bliss to keep up appearances; we're talking about awesome twosomes that share belly laughs, radiate love, and still hold hands 50 years after taking their vows. Real-life happily-weds share their secrets and habits on maintaining their smooth-sailing state.


1. Always remember why you are together. California-based couple Brian and Cresta King have been married for 16 years and are devoted to their three lovely children, but make it a point not to let parental duties overshadow their love for each other.


Cresta shares, "When we first got married, Brian told me that even after we have children, the two of us should always come first. He said, 'The children are here because of us. We are not here because of the children.' I really didn't get this right away and I just thought he was being selfish. Only after having children did I realize that as a parent, you need to show your children how much you love each other, and how you treat each other becomes their basis on how they treat others. I'm not saying endanger your children and just fuss over your spouse—what I'm saying is that we need to remind ourselves that it was our love that brought us together, not the kids, not the careers."

2. Know what makes your partner happy. Whether it's crispy pata, action movies, or kinky bedroom games, take note of what he likes and indulge him every so often. Conversely, steer clear of his pet peeves (nagging him when he's tired from work, going through his texts like a green-eyed monster). Do everything with unconditional love and consideration, without keeping tabs on who is doing more of the giving.

On your end, it's important to let him know what makes you happy, too (remember, they're not mind readers). Lawyer and mother of two Katrina Cruz says, "[My husband] Reymond and I still both have the love, respect and trust we promised to one another when we got married. It helps too that he spoils me like crazy and still allows me to get away with a few tantrums now and then."

3. Validate every day. When we don't feel appreciated, resentment can pile up, or worse, we look for validation elsewhere. Say "thank you" often, show pride in your partner, and mutual admiration works, too. Says Katrina: "I still think Reymond is the most gorgeous man alive and he never fails to shower me with praise despite the additional 20 pounds [after marriage]."

Doctor couple Alvin and Marvie Cabreira, married for 28 years, share: "The secret to having a happy relationship is understanding each others' weaknesses and acknowledging each other's strengths. Always make each other feel important!"

4. Be affectionate. You know how touch therapy is recommended for babies, so they feel instantly comforted and secure? It works with adults, too. Frequent hugs, cuddling, hand-holding, and stolen kisses help keep the relationship warm and fuzzy.

5. LOL. Marriage is no laughing matter, but having a sense of humor really helps smoothen ruffled feathers and eases you through rough patches. Laughter is really the best medicine; so don't forget to share a daily giggle, or better yet, a deep belly laugh for the most wonderful way to bond.

6. The couple that plays together, stays together. When your relationship is new, you can't seem to get enough of each other; but as time passes, priorities can shift. As a former escrow agent and now stay-at-home mom, Cresta's schedule can get crazy ("with a house full of children, their friends, homework, martial arts, gymnastics, football, cooking, laundry, errands, carpools, play practice…"), but she makes sure she spends quality time with hubby Brian.

"The trick is to make the time for it, not excuses that you can't. In our case, we take several planned trips during the year without the kids. The key word is 'planned.' We set the time for it in advance. Sometimes, we hire a babysitter so we can watch a current movie or comedy show. Spending quality time with each other doesn't have to be expensive."

7. Encourage individual interests While it's important to enjoy time together, it's equally essential to respect each other's individuality.

"It's a major turnoff when I meet a woman whose life revolves completely around her man. There is simply no excuse why you can't pursue something that is close to your heart or something that just makes you happy," says Cresta. "Yes, as husband and wife we are a couple. But separately we are also two individuals: one likes to go on his bike, and run, and play guitar. The other one likes to do yoga, bike, have lunch with her friends, and sometimes paint a picture or two. It makes us who we are, and it reminds us of why we fell in love with that cool person in the first place!"